Words To Live By: Eliminating needy tendencies
Everyone at one point or another in their life has displayed “needy tendencies”. Whether it’s with a friend, a relative, or a mate. No one person can honestly exclude them self from hosting needy ways. It starts in our childhood when we need physical bonding time with our parents to develop who we are. Some of us are weaned from latching on as we grow and seek independence within ourselves, but for others that is just not the case.
To break ourselves from these needy ways we must first understand that what we are craving aren’t needs at all, they’re wants! For example when we’re hungry that’s a need we have to fulfill, but if what we decide to eat is based off of what our taste buds are asking for that’s merely a want. If you have a turkey sandwich but decide to go out to get a slice of pizza, you’re choosing to satisfy the want instead of the need. This example is directly interchangeable with relationships. As humans we all need physical and emotional connections with other humans, how we choose to apply this says a lot about the individual’s ability to decipher their needs from their wants. Ideally we all want a significant other, but if we don’t have one we have to be proactive about tending to our needs in the meanwhile. Having healthy relationships with our family and friends fulfills our needs until we find the perfect mate in which our wants can be fulfilled.
There are a couple reasons an individual chooses to satisfy the want opposed to what’s best for them which lies in the need;
- Being raised in an unhealthy family environment. Having one or both parents missing from our lives during the time we are supposed to be learning how to develop healthy relationships only hinders that very factor. The void will be ever present unless you embrace the fact that you weren’t the problem! The blame lies directly in the missing parent(s). And until you forgive and forget, you’re only reliving it every day through self-torture.
- Lack of self-love. The first and most important relationship to maintain is the one with self. Without taking the time to nourish self-love a bond with anyone else is virtually impossible and very unhealthy. Hobbies and finding things that make you happy when no one is around is how you develop a deeper self-love.
- Lack of patience. Having an “I can’t wait” mentality isn’t healthy, you’re only temporarily pacifying yourself by rushing into things that haven’t fully developed. Settling with the first guy that looks your way will only ensure you will be moderately happy for the moment as well as setting yourself up for a bigger disappointment in the future.
I found myself battling with a couple of these issues in my marriage which led to its failure. At that point in time I decided to look only into myself for verification from then on. Take the time to love God, yourself, and the people around you that want to be in your life and the rest will fall into place when the time is right!
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